The Courage To Be Disliked
How to free yourself, change your life and achieve real happiness
Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
Having read it
★★★★☆
An interesting read that was strange to get into at first, certainly as it is a series of conversations (billed officially as a dialogue!) between a philosopher and a young man. They talk about the many themes and topics around why ‘being disliked’ is actually a freer way to focus and live independently and which is then of more benefit to building and supporting others, forging community and also encouraging all of that in the here and now, as clearly, the past and future do not exist!
So, given that, it was surprisingly insightful and refreshing with its approaches and stance on explaining many things in society and our own perceptions and strategies for dealing with, learning from and operating well in our lives.
In a small way, it was also pleasing to read into some of the chat that some of my own approaches and attitudes match with Alderian thinking; those nuggets of knowledge and perspective were warming to one’s soul.
A good passage
It is true that there is no person who wishes to be disliked. But look at it this way: what should one do to not be disliked by anyone? There is only one answer: it is to constantly gauge other people’s feelings, while swearing loyalty to all of them. If there are ten people, one must swear loyalty to all ten. When one does that, for the time being one will have succeeded in not being disliked by anyone. But at this point, there is a great contradiction looming. One swears loyalty to all ten people out of the single-minded desire to not be disliked. This is like a politician who has fallen into populism and begun to make impossible promises and accept responsibilities that are beyond him. Naturally, his lies will come to light before long. He will lose people’s trust, and turn his own life into one of greater suffering. And, of course, the stress of continual lying has all kinds of consequences. Please grasp this point. If one is living in such a way as to satisfy other people’s expectations, and one is entrusting one’s own life to others, that is a way of living in which one is lying to oneself, and continuing that lying to include the people around one.
A second good passage
Resignation has the connotation of seeing clearly with fortitude and acceptance. Having a firm grasp on the truth of things – that is resignation. There is nothing pessimistic about it.